


Maybe if I was a hundred stones lighter

by RougueShadowWolf



Series: 15 Minutes [84]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Anorexia, Derek Hale is a Good Alpha, Eating Disorders, Sick Stiles, Starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-23 16:38:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4884046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RougueShadowWolf/pseuds/RougueShadowWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles knew he was disgusting, he knew he was annoying, he knew he wasn’t half as smart and Lydia and most of his faults he couldn’t fix but Stiles could lose weight and become skinnier but Derek Hale didn’t seem to get that. Why couldn’t the werewolf see it too, why couldn’t Derek understand that Stiles was trying to become better?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Maybe if I was a hundred stones lighter

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah 15min is back and so on. *Sigh* it still seems people aren’t reading these notes or tags and just spewing their hatred all around. But any way so Jellybean asked for a fic where Stiles has an eating disorder and so on she of course used more words than that but I’m just feeling like shit at the moment. Anyway Derek to the rescue.

 

There he stood amongst all those good looking people, their beauty made him stick out like a sore-infected-thumb. He stood there silent unable to focus on the conversation that was ongoing, all he could focus on was the can of so-called diet-coke which was no longer cool in his hands as he’d been nursing it for what felt like forever; Stiles had only taken three small sips from his soda, painfully small sips that made the ache in his stomach worse, sips that both increased his thirst and hunger. Stiles wanted to drink away his hunger but he had to be stronger than his greedy stomach, he had to be strong if only to stop himself from becoming uglier as more fat gathered around his thick-disgusting body, he had to stay strong because who’d want to hang around an ever fattier version of himself? ****

 

He was convinced that if he was thinner than his best friend would once more want to hang-around with him and if Stiles wasn’t such a fatty maybe Lydia would start talking to him like he was a human being and not some disgusting creature that she couldn’t be even seen saying hello too in public, and Stiles couldn’t help but hope that if he was thinner that Erica and Boyd would like him better and if those two accepted him as something more than Scott’s annoying tag-along then perhaps Isaac would like him too, and if all the three Betas liked him then maybe Derek wouldn’t look at him like being in the same room with _him_ was torture. Maybe if Stiles wasn’t so annoying and fat maybe just maybe Jackson wouldn’t treat him like a pest, wouldn’t use him as his personal punching-bag on and off the Lacrosse field, and maybe if Stiles wasn’t so fat and pig-like Danny would help him be well better when it came to being attractive to gay-guys. 

 

Maybe if Stiles wasn’t so fat and useless his dad wouldn’t be so disappointed in him.

 

Maybe if Stiles wasn’t fat, if he proved he could stop being a fat pig then maybe Derek would think him worthy to be in his pack. Maybe if Stiles wasn’t such a monstrosity then maybe he Stiles Stilinski would be considered worthy enough to be offered the bite even if Stiles wasn’t sure he’d accept the bite simply because he was fearful he’d fail at being a proper werewolf; his fear of bringing shame to Derek and the pack was so strong he was rather certain he wouldn’t accept the bite, but he’d just be happy if Derek would see him as someone he’d like to have as his beta. 

 

Stiles gazes down at the can in his hands, his mouth waters with want, he can almost taste the liquid and feel the bubbles pop and fizzle within his cavernous mouth, he can almost feel the acid-like burn that would follow if he emptied the soda can of its dark liquid, he can imagine it all and the heavy sensation that would follow as the liquid settle within his stomach. 

 

He’s so enthralled by the thought of emptying the can of its sinful liquid which of course he wouldn’t do because he couldn’t be a greedy little pig, diet-coke wasn’t after all really _diet_ if you thought about it properly, he’s so stuck in his head that he doesn’t hear or perhaps register the arrival of the pizza-guy it’s only when the delicious scent that makes him almost drool like his next-door neighbor Mrs. Downey’s Saint Bernard Bertie that Stiles realizes the danger he’s suddenly in. 

 

Dread erupts within Stiles heart and his imagination runs wild as the realization hits him that the pack hadn’t eaten even though Stiles had arrived late just so that he could avoid eating with the pack,but they’d clearly waited for him before ordering the mountain of pizza and now Stiles is stuck trying to find an excuse why he can’t join the devouring of the delicious goodness that had been brought in Stiles stands up and moves away from where he’d been seated ready make his exit, however before he can say anything or reach the exit there’s a warm callused hand at the back of his neck and there’s a heavy warm and strangely comforting presence against his side.This hand that had appeared so suddenly squeezed the back of Stiles neck gently while the Alpha speaks to him encouragingly sending sparks and shivers through Stiles body which wasn’t really new as Derek’s voice be it loud and angry or gentle and amused always brought these sinfully pleasant shivers.

 

`Come on Stiles, sit down,´ Derek steered him back to the seat Stiles had previously occupied and generally just pushes Stiles down into the chair before grabbing one of the plates Isaac had scrambled to gather from the kitchen area, `Eat.´ Derek says while handing Stiles the plate with a fairly large slice of pizza which isn’t just any slice of pizza but it’s the deluxe version of Meat Lovers pizza which the small pizzeria downtown made, Stiles forgets for a moment the fact that he’s being told to eat to be a disgusting pig in front of _everyone,_ he forgets for a bloody second what’s being expected because Derek is not handing him a slice of Scott’s and Isaac’s favorite pizza which Stiles has eaten several times because Scott can’t stand Stiles favorite pizza and yet somehow Derek was handing him this slice of the one pizza Stiles loved above all other pizza’s it was a close second with curly-fries when it came to foods Stiles loved to consume but no longer could – would never be able to enjoy because they were so fattening.

 

`Eat.´ Derek repeats before adding, `I know it’s your favorite.´ 

 

Stiles just stares back and forth between Derek and the slice of pizza the Alpha has handed him, and he stutters out, `H-how’d you k-know? ´

 

Derek looks mighty pleased with himself as he answers, `I just asked the pizzeria what’s the one pizza you usually eat, and then I just nixed the disgusting one Scott eats because there’s no way you’d eat something with pineapples on it when the smell alone makes you sick.´Stiles has to admit he is pretty impressed by Derek’s deductive skills as well as the fact he’d gone to such effort to for him, Scott however is quick to protest against the claim – truth – that Stiles didn’t like Scott’s favorite pizza toppings, Derek however waves away the protest and instead goes back to encouraging Stiles to eat.

 

`Come on Stiles, ´ Derek says while grabbing his own much larger slice of the same pizza he’d given Stiles, `eat.´ 

 

`I – I’m,´ Stiles scrambles to say while watching the Alpha bite into the perfect combination of meat, cheese, crispiness and softness, smoothness and roughness, and Stiles mouth waters even more so as he watches Derek chew and swallow a fairly large piece of that thick heavy calorie-bomb that was the Deluxe Meat Lovers Pizza, `I’m not really hungry.´ 

 

Derek stops eating and just looks at Stiles with an air of disappointment which causes Stiles to feel horrible, he continues to disappoint people – he’s a disappointment. 

 

`I’ve already eaten, and…´ Stiles begins to say trying to remedy the situation, prepared to ask Derek if he could just take the slice home with him so he could eat it later but Derek snaps at him causing everyone in the room to go absolutely quiet to stop eating.

 

`Stop lying. ´ The order is startling and Stiles wants to argue this claim that he’s a liar but he’s suddenly mute as if being outed as a liar had sudden stolen away his voice. The frustration, desperation of this Alpha who usually pushed Stiles around and showed him no real concern was suddenly expressing so many emotions by just the sunken posture and always so expressive brows and eyes that were suddenly free of anger and hardness, this man slowly drawing nearer was not the Sourwolf Stiles knew and loved. 

 

`You. – you haven’t eaten all day, I know you haven’t Stiles so don’t lie to me. I’m not stupid Stiles, I know.´ 

 

Stiles is shaking from head to toe because suddenly he’s aware of how everyone is looking at him, he has no clue of what to say or do other than shake his head because it’s not true Stiles had eaten a couple of slices from an apple this morning at home, he had eaten. Stiles doesn’t know how to handle the sadness, the worry and despair coming off of the Alpha who seemed to be begging him to do something with those marvelous orbs no painter could ever create intentionally.

 

`N-no. I – I,´ Stiles stutters uncertain of what to say, how to make Derek understand that he couldn’t eat because it would ruin everything he’d worked so hard for, cried for whenever he was reduced to shoving his fingers down his throat because he’d eaten too much. Stiles however goes silent as his words seem to deflate Derek right before his eyes, and the Alpha abandons his own dinner and focuses on Stiles while ignoring Scott who bless his soul is trying to stand-up for Stiles but is hissed into silence by Lydia and frankly everyone even Jackson.

 

`Stiles, please,´ Derek pleads and it’s far more frightening than having him flash his Alpha eyes and showing off his sharp fangs and claws while threatening to rip into Stiles until he bled to death which frankly didn’t sound too bad of a choice at the moment. 

 

`Stiles, please, just eat – just half or just a few bites.´ Stiles honestly has no idea what to say or to do when he’s faced with a pleading Derek Hale, his mouth keeps opening and closing slowly as if he’d turned into a fish stuck on dryland, and he watched with trepidation as Derek kneels down before him, someone gasps or is it a whisper?

 

`Please, you need to eat Stiles, ´ Derek continues to say his hands moving restlessly near Stiles knees and hands like lost souls circling around lost and unsure of where to go,`Stiles you’re killing yourself,´ and if Derek had seemed desperate before now it was ten times worse, `please just eat a little, just a little.´ Stiles looks down into the eyes that had never looked at him with anything but anger, loathing, disgust and disbelief; sure they’d had their odd moments when Derek seemed to think Stiles might just be something more than just the annoying shit that can’t stay out of trouble to save his own life. 

 

`I’m – I’m not,´ Stiles starts to say without knowing if he’s about to say he’s not starving or killing himself or to just tell the werewolf he’s just not worth the worry or trouble, or maybe he just wants to say he has no clue what Derek’s talking about, but his words get stuck in his throat and he feels like a complete shit for ruining the nice gesture Derek had made by being such a fat-ass that couldn’t eat anything because it would just settle around his middle and thighs and arms and well everywhere and soon his clothes wouldn’t hide the ugliness beneath his clothes. 

 

`Fuck!´ Jackson snaps from where he’s been sitting on the loveseat with Lydia, eyes flashing blue as he continues but without any real anger behind his words, `Just fucking eat Stilinski.´ Jackson looks angry though as he continues to say, `You need to eat you idiot, this thing you’ve got going on isn’t normal – it’s not healthy dude.´ 

 

`Shut-up!´ Stiles barks, dropping his plate and can while getting up as fast as he possible could without dumping it all on Derek and knocking his knee against the handsome strong jaw of the werewolf.

 

`Stiles!´ several voices shout as one and suddenly everyone was up and standing and Stiles feels crowded even without people actually crowding around him, the only one close is Derek and the look on the handsome face does nothing to calm the surge of anger and fear within Stiles. 

 

`You passed-out in the shower after practice yesterday, I found you skinny-skeletal ass there on the shower floor and it had been an hour since I’d left the fucking building, that Stiles isn’t normal dude.´ Jackson isn’t yelling and there’s a part of Stiles that knows that he shouldn’t be angry at Jackson for his concern but Stiles isn’t thinking straight at the moment not with the whole being ambushed like that in front of everyone, and especially not when Scott suddenly turns to look at him like Stiles had suddenly betrayed him somehow.

 

`He’s lying! ´ Stiles screams desperate, grasping at useless straws that won’t hold him or his lies up.

 

`He’s not,´ Boyd says from where he’s standing, but the teen isn’t looking up at Stiles as if looking at him was somehow painful; Stiles was familiar with that awkward stance and avoidance his father did it on a daily basis. 

 

`He’s fucking skin and bones beneath those clothes, how the hell haven’t you noticed Scott?! How haven’t you, Stilinski’s best friend notice how he’s beyond skinny?´ Jackson yells at Scott who if possible looks even more hurt and Stiles feels a little bit more guilt grow within him like a cancer spreading through his body determined to take over every part of his useless body. 

 

`It’s not his fault.´ Allison says quickly, and of course she’d defend Scott, and she opens his mouth most likely to rip Jackson a new-one but she and everyone else stop speaking, breathing when Stiles counters Jackson claim with just a couple words which are followed with a few more when the silence continues. 

 

`I’m not skinny.´ Stiles says it like it’s the truth that can’t be denied or disproved, `I’m not skinny, not yet, I just need to lose a bit more…´ but he’s caught down by an angry roar from the Alpha.

 

`NO! ´ Derek is suddenly and right in Stiles face eyes Alpha red and clawed hands forcing tall the layers of fabrics needed to keep Stiles warm up, high above Stiles ribcage all the way up to Stiles armpits and Stiles closes his eyes because he can’t stand to see his fatty-fat-fat stomach and all those unwanted unlovable rolls and he sobs out for Derek to stop. And he can hear the horrified gasps and whimpers as everyone is suddenly aware of how ugly his body is.

 

There’s suddenly a clawed hand grabbing his hand and guiding it to where Stiles’ well-covered ribs are and Stiles is crying openly as his hand is guided over his ribs that is until his brain catches up with what he’s feeling, there’s no softness there only hardness between deep dips like little ditches between several roads. His hand is guided on and on and Stiles hand keeps dipping down and touching sharp hard parts he should not feel with the image glued in his head, he knows this he really does that if he was as ugly as the mirrors told him then he shouldn’t be able to feel the groves of his ribs or feel the sharp edges of his hips. 

 

`There’s no fat Stiles, ´ Derek tells him with a sad voice, dropping his hold of Stiles shirts but only for a minute before rolling up the sleeves covering Stiles right arm before guiding the left hand to feel the hard boney arm, `there’s no fat Stiles none.´ and the werewolf takes both of Stiles hands so he can feel the shape of Stiles shoulders and the way his spine sticks out and as he’s guiding Stiles hands over the thin neck that holds up Stiles confused head, the Alpha whispers out, `You’re killing yourself Stiles, and for what?´ 

 

`I- I,´ Stiles stutters looking straight into the sad eyes of Derek Hales before confessing with timid voice, `I just wanted people to like me.´

 

 


End file.
